For thousands of years, humankind has buried our deceased in tombs and left some form of marking to signify who lay inside. As the centuries passed, it became custom to leave an epitaph, along with the individual's information, on a stone or piece of wood that has been placed by the grave. The epitaphs began as short messages that explained what had happened to the deceased, but over time they have evolved into a way of leaving a hilarious message to loved ones, forever engraved on a stone. Over the years, there have been some fairly creative epitaphs, and I can't think of a reason why we shouldn't have a look at 40 of the tombstones whose epitaphs have helped to make light out of the darkness of the topic.
1. "Thank You For Your Service"
The men and women who serve in the military are some of the bravest and most selfless people on this planet. They sacrifice time with their families and put themselves in life-threatening situations in order to help protect their country. Unfortunately, there are still people who believe that being a member of the LGBTQ+ community somehow negates all positive actions one may have taken throughout their lives.
I'm sure that there are many people out there who would back the excuse that "times were different back then", but the sad truth of the matter is that there are still countless individuals who hide their sexual orientation out of fear of persecution. If someone is willing to die in order to protect their country, it really shouldn't matter who they choose to love.
2. "A Little To The Left"
Sometimes, just one sentence on a tombstone is enough to let everyone know what kind of person the deceased individual was in life.
Even after passing, Janet M. is still able to bring a bit of joy to those who knew and loved her.
3. "A Crypt Would Have Been Nice Too"
Ancient Egypt is known, amongst other things, for the massive structures that were erected in order to pay their respects to their rulers. The largest and most impressive of these is the Great Pyramid of Giza.
This stone is only about 450-feet shorter than the Great Pyramid. I guess they weren't quite the beloved Pharoah they thought they were.
4. "It's About Damn Time"
Some people live their lives in the shadows of others who always seem to know just a little bit more about everything than they do.
It has taken long enough, but finally, this person knows something that other people don't. And it just happens to be the most unknown aspect of life.
5. "Kay, You've Done It Again!"
If we took the time to think about it, I'm sure that everyone could come up with at least one thing that they would like to be remembered for after they pass away.
When Kay passed away, the gift that she wanted to leave for the town where she lived was the recipe for the fudge that she had been giving as gifts for so many years. Of course, there would be laughter wherever she went, she brought homemade fudge with her.
6. "What's Up Doc?"
Mel Blanc was responsible for voicing some of the most beloved animated characters of the mid-late 1900s, including Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Barney Rubble, to name a few.
When Mr. Blanc passed away, there was nothing that fit more appropriate on his headstone than the famous words that we stuttered as Porky Pig at the end of every episode of Looney Tunes, "That's All Folks".
7. "Today We Have A Special Guest"
Merv Griffin captured the hearts of viewers across North America, as the host of "The Merv Griffin Show", for more than two decades. Show after show, Merv would assure audiences that he "would be right back"...Eventually, the day came that Merv did not return...
Aside from just that iconic line, Merv Griffin is also responsible for creating two of the most popular television game shows of all time... "Wheel Of Fortune" and "Jeopardy".
8. "Can't You Read?"
The work culture that has engulfed the Western World has people working crazy hours and sacrificing family time in order to "get ahead" at work. This lifestyle has helped to coin the phrase "I'll sleep when I'm dead".
After years of grinding away at work and having life grind away at her, Joan Hackett is finally ready for a bit of sleep. It's time to leave her alone and let her get some rest.
9. "Can You Hear Me?"
For anyone who does not know what an Ouija board is, another name for it is a "spirit board". Some people believe that they can contact spirits by placing their hands on a cursor and allowing the spirit world to direct the cursor to different letters and numbers in order to complete a message for the living world from the spirit world.
Ouija boards are very popular around Halloween and amongst those who practice the dark arts. If the cursor for this board started to move on its own, I wouldn't be sticking around to find out what the message was, that's for sure.
10. "Secret Messages"
It has become more common lately for people to leave messages within the messages that they have engraved into the headstones of those they love. Some messages are heartfelt and only known by those closest to the deceased, and others...
This must have been something that John would have appreciated. Only a true friend will tell their buddy to F*** Off for all eternity.
11. "Come On Meow"
There are some character traits that we are known for as we grow older, and there are some things that people have expected of us from early on in our lives.
Being born the day before Halloween is a lot of pressure for someone, especially someone who lives alone their entire lives. It would only be logical to assume that anyone who is born on the Devil's Night and lives alone must be a witch, and therefore must have many cats.
12. "When Life Hands You Lemons"
No matter how good of a life someone lives, and how honorable of a person they are, sadly, not everything about our lives is in our own control. Some things just seem to happen that end up throwing a wrench in the plan we have set out for our lives...
I'm not sure what happened to Edith Tina Barlow that ended up taking her from this planet at such young age, but the message on her headstone sure sums it up nicely.
13. "It'd Be Nice To Be Asked"
For so much of our lives, we fight to gain control over the things that we feel are important, however, there are some things in life that we just have no control over.
Babies all cry when they enter this world, and who could blame them? They are pulled out of a warm and secure place and brought into a world that is big, scary, and full of people. Throughout life, however, we learn to enjoy being in this world. Then, just when things seem to finally be making sense, without checking in with us (again), it's all over.
14. "Triple Word Score"
Finding the proper way to pay tribute to those we've lost doesn't need to be a sad affair. It's always best to remember that life is meant to be celebrated, not mourned.
When Paul G Ling passed away at just 31 years young, his family found a way to celebrate his life, and immortalize who he was through this amazing tombstone. For generations to come, everyone will know the type of person Paul was, and the impact he left on those he left far too soon.
15. "Oops"
When we make mistakes it's important to remember that the sooner we admit fault, the sooner the situation could be rectified.
It is not the easiest thing for someone to swallow their pride and admit when they have made a poor decision, however, I'm sure that George Johnson would have been fairly grateful if those in charge were to have fessed up a bit sooner.
16. "Continued On Page 3"
A good sense of humor is one of the most important characteristics that someone could have. Humor is a great tool to help us through some of the tougher times that life has to offer.
Even in passing, the Hopples have figured out how to put a smile on the faces of their loved ones.
17. "You Don't Make Friends With Salad"
Looking back to how things were a few centuries ago, it's hard not to see how much has changed. However, with all the advances that we have had in the fields of science and technology, there are still some things that just will not ever change.
Almost four hundred years later, and I wouldn't put it past someone to kill another individual based on something as trivial as making a large salad.
18. "Fun Wally"
Engraving a witty prose or limerick about the deceased's life on their tombstone can bring a bit of light into an otherwise dark situation. And besides, they usually tell us all we need to know about who the person really was, in very few words.
At only 62 years young, it sounds like Uncle Wally truly lived his life to the fullest. One question that must be asked, however, is whether Walter had no money in the ned because of his passion for spending, or the alimony he was paying to his many wives.
19. "Some Things Are Not Meant To Be"
There are certain goals that we set out for ourselves that we know are mostly unattainable, however, we still have hope that one day these goals will be reached.
I think that Jerry might have had more than just the jealous husband of his lover to worry about. I'd be interested in knowing what Jerry's wife Jeannette (who was still alive when he passed away) thought of the inscription.
20. "Leaving A Legacy"
Some epitaphs just say it how it is. There is no need for secret messages or poetry to get the point across.
I would like to believe that this was something that Mark Alan Van Wienen was known for saying over the years, however, I'm leaning more towards option "B", those might have been his final words.
21. "Quit Nagging Me!"
Whether it be through coordinated Halloween costumes, coffee mugs, or pajama onesies, partners have been finding adorable ways of matching for decades.
Even in the afterlife, this couple can't stop bickering. I don't know about anyone else, but it seems to me like this is the type of thing that Frank and Estelle Costanza would have had put on their stones.
22. "Clairvoyant"
Few things in life are guaranteed, but one thing is for sure, and Iron Maiden sang it best "from the moment we are born we begin to die". So, if we know it's coming eventually, we should probably make the best out of life while we can.
Knowing that we are all going to "bite the dust" at some point is one thing, but knowing how and when it's going to happen is almost impossible.
23. "Listen Up"
No matter how slight the pain or discomfort is, our bodies are built to send us signals when something isn't quite working properly.
If only someone would have listened to her when she first started complaining about her feet. For all we know, she had first mentioned the discomfort years ago, but no one listened. Next thing we know...here we are. She was killed by her own feet.
24. "Not Yet"
Here we have another poetic stone for our list, only this one doesn't seem quite as upbeat as the others.
It's short. It's to the point. It says pretty much everything that someone would need to say from the grave. Personally, I think that a verse from "Green Eggs And Ham" would have been a bit less depressing, but to each their own.
25. "Comfort First"
Everyone has their own way of paying their respects to a deceased loved one. Some people find it easier to talk to others about how they're feeling, while others find closure in visiting the gravesite and have a chat.
At least whoever is going to be visiting Jackson will be able to sit comfortably while having a chat, and on a rainy day won't have to worry about sitting on the wet ground.
26. "Think About Not Being Stupid"
There are some people who will best be remembered for something they have said, rather than something they have done. It's not just characters on television who have catchphrases.
Joseph O Stock sounds like he was a man who didn't like to deal with any unnecessary stress. Every now and again, we should all probably take Joseph's advice.
27. "Haha, They Said Butt"
With so much hatred and negativity in the world we tend to forget how easy it is to make someone smile. Van Wilder said it best, "You shouldn't take life too seriously...you'll never get out alive".
As serious as life might get, in death, some people have taken it upon themselves to remind us all that it's ok to laugh, even in the dark times.
28. "Highway To Hell"
Paying tribute to something someone loved, in order to pay tribute to the person themself, is a great way to show how much they truly meant to us.
I'm sure that not only is Gabe saluting all those who are about to rock, but he's probably doing so with Bon Scott and Malcolm Young by his side (both are deceased members of AC/DC).
29. "Erased"
There have been some crazy ways in which people have died over the years, but few of them are more ridiculous, and unfortunate than what happened to this fifteen-year-old...
What a way to go! He wasn't killed because he made a large salad, nor was he hung by accident. No, this young man was killed by an ink eraser that he fell on while trying to avoid the birthday kisses of 6 women. It's not as cool as being eaten by a crocodile, but it's pretty darn good.
30. "It Is What It Is"
Life definitely has its ups and downs. Sure, there are some moments that make it feel as though the world might be ending, but when it comes down to it, our lives are only what we make of them. So let's enjoy it while we're here.
I think the smiley face says more about what this person thought about life than the message that is written on it. Life may suck sometimes, but at least we're still alive to live it.
31. "Happy Holidays"
Few things remind us more of our childhoods than the smell of our mum's homemade cookies. As hard as we try to get the recipe, in order to make the cookies ourselves, most of the time, the recipes are taken to the grave.
As a final gift to the world, this mum is giving the sweetest gift of all. She has ensured that future generations will know the state of Great Great Gam Gam's Christmas Cookies.
32. "Dead, But Never Gone"
It has become more frequent in recent years for individuals to decide on what they would like to have engraved on their own tombstone. Usually, it's a heartfelt and meaningful message, but occasionally it's a nod at their quirky sense of humor.
In order to cap off a well-laid-out plan to scare the crap out of friends and family alike, a statue or billboard of the deceased needs to be erected across from this gravesite.
33. "Speak For Yourself..."
Although the life of an artist has the potential to be extremely rewarding, it is filled with so many unknown variables. Due to these variables, a lot of people tend to look down on those who chose to pursue a life in the arts.
It doesn't matter which field of art someone partakes in, all artists have their critics. It is only through criticism that someone can grow in their field and admitting one's own faults is the first step to improvement. On occasion, it takes until after someone has passed away for them to finally admit what their loved ones already knew.
34. "Time To Re-schedule"
There are few places that are dreaded more than the waiting room of a doctor's office. There are usually enough sick people and screaming children to cause someone to make the switch to telemedicine, permanently.
When the nurse tells a patient that "the doctor will see you soon", that usually means that there are, at least, another 10-15 minutes of waiting. It would be wise to assume that Dr. Tyler's patients are in no hurry to get to their next appointments with her.
35. "Not Once!"
There is just no pleasing some people. There are some people who will find something to complain about, no matter how much effort has been put in to ensuring that everything is just right.
"Casper" taught us that ghosts are people who had unfinished business when they passed away. If ever there were a sign that someone was going to try to come back as a ghost and do a little bit of haunting, this is it. Having never been satisfied in life, I think he might be haunting the afterlife for a while.
36. "Dark Humour"
In case anyone has been wondering, there's really just one thing that the deceased think about...
Much to the chagrin of the more conservative types, there are some individuals who have requested to have some fairly "dark" epitaphs engraved on their tombstones.
37. "It Couldn't Last Forever"
I think that it's fairly safe to say that most of us want to enjoy life while we're here. The people whom we surround ourselves with are meant to be as beneficial to our happiness as we are to theirs.
They might be looking at this the wrong way. If they had fun, then they should be glad that they weren't around to see the fun end.
38. "Enjoy The Heat"
When two people get married they usually do so with the intention of being together through thick and thin. Sadly, that's not the case for everyone. There are some pretty opportunistic people out there who are just laying in wait and biding their time...
Leaving a message from ourselves on our tombstone is not something that we see very often. Every now and again, however, there is someone who has something that they just need generation after generation to know.
39. "They Had It Coming"
The gold rush was in full swing across North America, and people were making rash decisions based on little to no real information. The 1800s were a very different time...
At least, it was never anyone that didn't NEED killing, that's a relief. But how many people did he kill because they needed to be killed? And what warrants "needing to be killed"? Were they guilty of making large salads or did they steal someone's horse? Was Robert the 1800s version of Robin Hood? I suppose some things are better left unknown.
40. "Tis But A Scratch"
Ben & Jerry's ice cream has been a beloved part of our lives since the early 1980s. It is only fitting that in the city where it all began, Burlington, Vermont, there is a graveyard for all of the flavors that have been discontinued over the years.
Vermonty Python was only around for a couple of years, but it was a testament to how important Monty Python has been to the comedy world. Not just anyone gets to have a Ben & Jerry's flavor named after them, and it did last longer than SNL tribute ice cream Schweddy Balls, so there's that.